Body Thatan! Body Thatan! Get it Off Me!


I can generally tolerate almost anything.


Sure, I'll point and laugh at it, but I won't actively piss on anyone for sticking to their own system of beliefs. Yet, I hate Scientology. Alot. When I first heard the term, I assumed that Scientology would be some kind of academic-elitist existentialist sort of natural law organization that had faith in nothing but the sheer power of science. Um, nope. And even if the name is misleading, if a bunch of people want to get together to believe in Xenu and stay in sensory deprivation tanks to prevent giving their unborn children traumatic engrams, that's fine. Every group is allowed to have it's own mythology, folklore. But I reserve the right to be VERY pissed off about what you do with that. Christ dying on a cross isn't an excuse for Christians to run around burning fags. Scientology is not an excuse for an organization to spread lies and sanction hate.


What lies, you ask? Well, the founder of the Scientologist movement, and the creator of "Dianetics" (the science of the mind!) was an interesting character by the name of L. Ron Hubbard. Mr. Lafayette Hubbard lived a sort of listless life, did some time with the military, the usual. I have a great picture of him glaring intently at a tomato hooked up to electrodes. The Scientologists have tried to make him into a classical hero figure, by spreading lies. (I cannot tolerate this in the slightest!) Yes, Hubbard *may* have blown up Uboats in his military career, but poking through his records we find he spent alot of time firing at iron deposits. Hubbard *may* have miraculously recovered from war injuries, but records never show he sustained anything like them. Fine, bend the truth, but having the records changed? The Scientologists BigBoys have tried to get in and fudge Hubbard's records to make him a confirmed superhero, but they haven't been able to. Yet.


Of course, you don't have to take my word for it, I could just be blowing off steam here. Do some research yourself. The Swedish government used some documents about L. Ron as evidence in a court case, and according to Swedish law, any legal evidence becomes public domain. The documents are out there to be seen, and much to the chagrin of the Scientologists wishing to create a marketable image, they can't be fucked around with.


This aside. Any group of people who think it's ok to run around promoting active intolerance is not cool. Canadian law has it that you can hate [any subgroup] as much as you please, you can scream from your rooftop about how much you hate [subgroup] and what losers they are, but the moment you spread false information about that group in order to prove their worthlessness, you may be prosecuted and the legal system may squish you. The Scientologists seem to have spread around a whole awful lot of lies. They claimed L. Ron wrote a whole bunch of books "discovered" after he died when the church was short on money. (And conveniently, these books are for sale!)


Hate is born out of fear, though. The part that scares me is that Scientologist doctrine describes anybody who is against the Scientologist church is just part of the evil plan to destroy Scientology, and they must be dealt with. There are some cases documented (though it's difficult to tell for certain) that suggest the Scientologists put their followers in high-end positions in order to access records and tax information of heretics - and there may have been some meddling going on against people who have published against the church. The classic incompatibility clause, that sounds a whole awful lot like the early Christian church, eh? A look at any case where the image of the Scientologists may be threatened is evidence enough - intense and well-funded legal battles, the suppression of unauthorized Hubbard biographies (I *highly recommend trying to get ahold of "The Bare-Faced Messiah"), the insistance to create "Battlefield Earth" - a terrible novel that will be a worse six hour long movie... Rumors have it that the Scientologists and their "celebrity patrons" are having some trouble. John Travolta wanted to relinquish his connection to the church, who in turn bribed him with the threat of leaking his past homosexual activity to the press. (Whether or not Mr. Travolta has any such history is ephemeral.) After all, having a high profile figure decide that the church was a waste of time and money might look kind of bad.


And it's growing. I don't understand why - if I sit you down and tell you that the secret Tom Cruise paid a million dollars for was that Xemu was coming back to get us, we'd just chuckle, right? And if somebody really really wants to believe in Xemu, and is even willing to pay that much money to do it, that's great! But I should be allowed to be Anti-Xemu without fear of having my life ruined by some strange religious office fungus. If I share the Scientologist statistic that the average fetus has three (or five, depending where you read) abortion attempts forced upon it by the mother with a knitting needle, you'd chuckle. (Hubbard seems to have a real fixation with knitting needles up the cervix in Dianetics.) In truth, I find some of the book to be enlightening - I agree that our past experience and subconsciousness affect us more than we realize. I just don't think that the reason I have a headache is that a body thatan is stuck to the outside of my head. And I'm not going to pay somebody to peel it off.





Back to the rants
Back to the action